A True Story & Lesson from “Days in Chabad”

Op-ed from the Tuna Beigel inbox by Anonymous:

“Rebbetzin Shterna Sara was married for some years and had not yet had any children. She was very upset about it, as she was young and lived far from her family.

Once, on Simchas Torah, they were making a Mi Shebeirach in shul for all the women and girls of the Rebbe’s family (the Rebbe Maharash), and they accidentally forgot Rebbetzin Shterna Sara’s name. Even though they made one for her afterward, she was very upset.

She went to her room, and while thinking about the fact that she hadn’t yet had a baby, was lonely, and had been skipped over by the Mi Shebeirach, she cried and fell asleep.

While asleep, she dreamed that a man came to her and asked her why she was crying. She told him, and he answered that she shouldn’t cry and that he promised she would have a son that year on the condition that she would give 18 rubles to tzedakah from her personal money. When he finished speaking, he left and disappeared.

A few minutes later, he came back with two other men. He repeated his condition, and the men agreed to what he had said. The three men blessed her and left.

When Rebbetzin Shterna Sara woke up later, she told her husband what had happened in the dream, and he immediately went to his father, the Rebbe Maharash, to tell him the dream.

The Rebbe Maharash called Rebbetzin Shterna Sara and asked her to tell him her dream in detail. When she finished telling it over, the Rebbe Maharash told her that the first man was the Tzemach Tzedek, and the two men who came back with him were the Mitteler Rebbe and the Alter Rebbe.

After Yom Tov, Rebbetzin Shterna Sara needed to fulfill the condition, but she didn’t have 18 rubles of personal money. However, she did have a certain fashionable dress that the Rebbe Maharash didn’t want her to wear. She called a woman from the community and asked her to sell the dress. She gave 18 rubles to tzedakah from the money she earned for the dress — and sure enough, that year, the Rebbe Rayatz was born on Yud Beis Tammuz.”

Reflection: A Threefold Lesson

In my humble opinion, if we read into the story a little bit deeper, we will find a threefold lesson of takeaways embedded within.

1. Parental Guidance After Marriage

Firstly, unfortunately, parents nowadays have a type of false attitude that once their kids are married off, they shouldn’t really mix in or get involved in their kids’ lives and personal affairs. But sadly, this leaves them to fall prey to the perils of negative influences from the society around us.

However, here we see that the Rebbe Maharash took a stand right off the bat — even in the first week after the marriage during the Sheva Brachos. He already made a comment to his new daughter-in-law, Rebbetzin Shterna Sara, that he was unhappy with the dress she was wearing because it was too fashionable and asked her never to wear it.

Granted, albeit he was a Rebbe, and she was related — also the next Rebbetzin and righteous in her own right — nevertheless, I think there is still room for us parents (הורים – from הוראה, meaning “guidance”) to always have a guiding hand in the chinuch of our children even after they are married.

Life experience is priceless and vitally valuable, and our children are in dire need of it to combat the numerous pitfalls life throws their way — pitfalls they are simply ignorant about and completely oblivious to.

2. The Rebbetzin’s Humility and Yiras Shamayim

Secondly, learning from the new kallah herself — Rebbetzin Shterna Sara — she didn’t react with any pushback or brush off the rebuke. No attitude of “Who do you think you are to tell me how to dress?”

Can you imagine a new kallah with a new wardrobe, who naturally desires to make a good first impression of who she really is — and right afterward is chastised about the dress she is wearing, albeit just being too fashionable? Nonetheless, her response is highly impressive: one of kabolas ol — accepting outright the truth stated to her.

That’s a trademark of yiras shamayim we all need to emulate.

3. Even Great People Need Refinement

Thirdly, the greatness of Torah and Tzadikim is that they aren’t angels — although striving to be. Even though it might not be our place to make a judgment call at all, as they are towering chassidim compared to us — regardless, the story manifests the point.

We see that there could be a fault, even on the part of a Rebbetzin-to-be, in an aspect of tznius — even in a slight way — that was disapproved of and required correction.

Practical Application

Applying it practically: how often do we see or come across shluchim or shluchos — who are also called the “Rebbetzin” (clearly on a lower scale) of the shul or community — who aren’t quite up to par in one or more aspects of ideal tznius?

Them being in a position of great leadership unfortunately gives off the impression to all their mekuravos that that mode of dress is, so to speak, acceptable by halacha or chassidishe standards — when it’s clearly not.

The boundaries get slurred, and innocent Jews searching and growing in their Yiddishkeit/Chassidishkeit are sadly misled. Not everyone knows how to learn from a real dugma chaya — and not from those who are “short” of it!

The Rebbe cautioned shluchos and N’shei Chabad to be wary of not compromising any proper standards with false reasoning that this “fashion” of doing things will attract others closer to Torah. The contrary is true — only unwavering adherence to Torah and Shulchan Aruch is key in kiruv.

Let us all, b’ezras Hashem, use the true yardstick of halacha — and beyond, as chassidim — to always maintain the highest of standards, to obtain the greatest blessings they have the power to endow us with!